Large Birds, Spiders And Momtwo And A Half Men ... -

Charlie Harper’s beachfront Malibu deck was usually reserved for expensive scotch and questionable decisions, but today it looked like a deleted scene from a low-budget horror movie.

“I don’t care if you named them 'The Pointer Sisters,' get them off my deck! I have a date coming over in twenty minutes and ‘Death by Nature’ isn't the vibe I’m going for.” Large Birds, Spiders and MomTwo and a Half Men ...

“It’s a majestic creature of the sky, Charlie! And the spider is just a misunderstood arachnid,” Alan chirped, adjusting his beige windbreaker. “Besides, I’ve named the bird 'Freedom' and the spider 'Leggsy.'” And the spider is just a misunderstood arachnid,”

“Thanks, Mom,” Charlie muttered, pouring a double. “I guess there’s always a bigger predator in the room.” “There,” Evelyn said, turning around with a sharp smile

“Alan, I’m telling you, it’s staring at me,” Charlie hissed, peering through the glass sliding door.

“There,” Evelyn said, turning around with a sharp smile. “Even Mother Nature knows better than to overstay her welcome in my presence.”

Perched on the railing was a the size of a small aircraft. Next to it, a massive Tarantula —likely a runaway from a neighbor’s exotic collection—was casually making its way toward Charlie’s discarded sandwich.